When I meet God

Through grace alone I know I have a chance to meet God some day. And, while I hope that day is in the very distant future, I can only dream that I get the chance for a 30 minute sit down with Him to find out all of the world's mysteries.

I hope to find out from Him why it takes tender care, watering, proper soil, just the right amount of sun, and good fortune to grow a flower when weeds will grow endlessly with no effort at all.

I hope to understand why he's cursed the loyal, faithful, devoted Cubs fans for so long while the annoying, fickle, angry Yankees fans are so regularly rewarded.

I'm interested to find out what would have happened if Adam and Eve didn't eat the apple. Would the Bible and Jesus still exist? How would their stories be different?

I'd like to understand His rationale for giving us free will...we clearly can't handle it.

I'd like to find out if he intended for blondes to have more fun or if that's just the way it worked out.

I want to know why Charles Manson is still alive and Princess Diana is dead.

I'm curious to know that if we were made in His own image, does He also regularly get kidney stones, suffer from lactose intolerance, snore when He's sleeping, have allergies only in Indiana, get agitated when He's hungry, and tear up every time He watches the movie Rudy.

And finally, I want to know when Jesus will return, where all of the single socks lost in the laundry have gone, where Jimmy Hoffa was buried, who shot JFK, the chicken or the egg, why the really cute girl I walked past every day in college never gave me the time of day, whether dogs have feelings and why cats couldn't care less, if He likes Swedish Fish, whether everyone has a specific quality that could make them the Tiger Woods of their area, is He on Facebook, what's on His iPod, did He ever pop in to check up on me, was I a success or failure in His eyes, is He disappointed, why it was necessary for finger and toe nails to grow, what use tonsils had at one point, why He clearly is a New England sports fan, whether He thinks the Godfather or Star Wars was the greatest trilogy of all time, whether He would have voted for Obama, does He drive a Prius, did He ever do the macarena, was Beer created just so we could have at least one decent commercial on TV, if He too thinks speed humps were a useless invention, roundabouts or stop signs, Beatles or Beach Boys, the biggest mistake I ever made, do we ever make Him proud, and why microwave popcorn won't pop once the bag is opened.