The Moonside of the Flip

I’d like to believe a world exists where you do things in reverse order from how it’s done in our world. Where the last step becomes the first. Where the final chapter is on page 1. I want to believe we don’t always have it right; that you don’t need to wet your hair before you apply the shampoo, instead the instructions read repeat, rinse, lather. I would find it comforting to have products such as before shave, poster (rather than primer), and make-up that would be applied before you shower. Naturally, dinner would be eaten in the morning, lunch would still be mid-day, and breakfast would be eaten in the evening. Then again, in opposite world, the evening would be morning and morning would be evening, so I suppose you’d still be eating your meals in their pre-destined slots.

In oppo world, the stop light was created before there were cars. Jails were created before there were criminals. The Internet was created before the computer, and both of which were created by Tipper Gore instead of Al.

On the flip side, we've never had a male President, Republicans and Democrats actually get along, our government operates in a surplus, and people are voted into public office based on their worth instead of the familiarity of their name.

As for sports, most basketball players are White, most hockey players are Black, the New York Yankees haven’t won the World Series since 1908, and Tiger Woods caddies for Steve Williams…on the Converse tour.

Men have womenstrual cycles called commas and women ask whether their clothes make them look skinny.

People get divorced before they get married and have kids after they get married.

Water is full of calories, jelly beans are packed with beta carotene, hippies are meatatarians, brownies are a food group, and pizza is a primary component of all weight loss programs.

There are constitutional amendments banning prostate exams, cigarette smoking, mushrooms, the common cold, high energy bills, seeded grapes, pulp in orange juice, and patchouli.

And last, but certainly not least, Ishtar is the greatest movie of all time, home loans are given to people who can afford them, there are more humorists than terrorists, the chicken comes before the egg, Britney Spears is a member of the 700 Club, people actually read this Blog, the Magic 8 Ball accurately predicts the future, toxic relationships come with surgeon general warnings, cars have more gas the more they are driven, oil producing countries are appreciative of Americans for continuing to have a use for what would otherwise be thousands of square miles of useless sand, workers stay home well, AT&T never drops a call, MAC’s are virus prone, and most importantly the sun revolves around the moon.