Mrs. God

I'll start by saying I'm a believer. And not just in a way so you don't feel guilty when someone asks you if you have faith or believe in God. So this is in no way an attempt at blasphemy or in no way meant to disparage any religion or belief. However, I got to thinking the other day about what it would be like for God if he was married. But before I post, some background. According to the bible, God and Jesus are one, therefore I'm using Mrs. God as the spouse for both God and Jesus related events. Probably not biblically correct, but neither is giving the Alpha and Omega a wife. My top 10 thoughts:

1) Mrs. God on the Temptation (Genesis 3:1-24): "I told you giving them free-will was a mistake, but would you listen? NOOOO. Why listen to the woman? What could she possibly know about creating an entire human race. I suppose you think you know everything!"

2) Mrs. God on the Flood (Genesis 6-9): "I told you 2 months ago to handle the boarding of the pets. We're going on vacation in 3 days and you still haven't found a place for our animals."

3) Mrs. God on Jesus Returning (The Revelation): "Are you going to do something with that World? It's been sitting there doing nothing for 10,000 years and you keep telling me you'll get to it. It's a mess and an eyesore. Either you fix it or I'm calling someone to haul it away."

4) Mrs. God on The Tower of Babel (Genesis 11): "No, I do not think that is an appropriate tribute to my mother."

5) Mrs. God on Feeding the 5000 (Matthew 14:13-21): "We have some friends over and you forget to order food? Are you kidding me? Why do I have to do everything? Why is it my responsibility to take care of all the details? And what are we going to drink? I don't think that water is going to magically turn into wine."

6) Mrs. God on the Apostles: "I don't mind your friends coming to visit. I really don't. But when are they going to leave? Why is Peter always listening to the Counting Crows? And I know you really don't like Judas, but he's my sister's husband and it's important to me that you both get along."

6) Mrs. God on Job (Book of Job): "When I told you to get a J.O.B., I was referring to work."

7) Mrs. God on Moses Wandering for 40 years (Exodus): "The two of you just couldn't stop for a minute and ask for directions, could you?"

8) Mrs. God on the Burning Bush (Exodus 3:1-5): "GOD!! I know you were sneaking a smoke outside again. Don't even try to hide it from me this time."

9) Mrs. God on the 10 Commandments (Exodus 20): "Your name is God after all and I was pointing out a blockage in the river. I don't think you needed a commandment for that."

10) Mrs. God on Joseph and the Coat (Gen. 37-50): "The poor boy already gets teased because of his love of music theater and Judy Garland and you had to get him that for his birthday?"