First Paragraph- The Legend of Lost Creek Lane

Lost Creek Lane was nestled in the woods, barely visible to those who passed its entrance while on the busy two lane road. The sign to the road was partially obstructed and the overgrowth of trees would cause you to entirely miss the entrance unless you specifically knew it was there. Accessibility was not really an issue anyway given the road gave entrance to a single home almost two miles at the end of the now barely paved path. But Lost Creek Lane did have its share of visitors, however infrequent they may be, and those visitors tended to be important in nature. The owner of the house was a mystery and the nearly 5 acres of electric fencing and vicious guard dogs kept even the most adventurous of onlookers away. Rumor had it the man who owned the house was once a prominent doctor some 40 years ago who’d dropped out of the profession after serious allegations surfaced regarding misappropriations of goods intended for some third world country. Apparently several shipments of medicine as part of the Government’s “Hands Across the Globe” program had gone missing under his watch. But like many things in this part of the country, it was all rumor and innuendo and was never verified despite the many attempts of the gossip hungry town. No one knew his name and he rarely ventured into town. So infrequent were the sightings of him, that many were not even sure he was still alive. And then one fall day he showed up in the middle of town, in the middle of the street, in the middle of the day, incoherent and wobbling back and forth. He was shouting, but his sentences were slurred and the now gathering crowd could only make out an occasional word. When asked later, one onlooker would swear she heard the word “fault”; another would attest to hearing “surgery”; and yet another would witness the man slurred “conspiracy”. What all three, and the rest of the crowd, would unanimously agree upon is the man’s slurring and wobbling both stopped when a sniper’s bullet ripped through the side of his head.

Random Thoughts of Mindlessness Vol. 3

I woke up this morning at 4 am with a clear strategy on how to win at the game Battleship. I’ve never played the game in my life, so I’m wondering why I’d be thinking about it in the first place, much less how I’m developing a strategy for it. However, I also woke up this morning with a splitting headache, a sore shoulder, an upset stomach, and an overall discontent with my alarm clock. Possibly all of these things are somehow related.

In completely unrelated news, I’m uncomfortable with how this whole AT& T vs. Verizon thing is playing out. I feel like I’m witnessing some horrible breakup where both parties are insistent on bashing the other to pieces. I’ve actually grown uncomfortable watching it and wonder if they secretly love each other, thus breeding the outward and open acrimony. They’d actually be a perfect couple. They’re both big on friends and family. When going to parties AT&T could always bring the Apps. And as for sex, they’d have no trouble finding the 3G-spot, although apparently it’s much easier to find on Verizon.

In even further unrelated news, I no longer find the old school Rudolph TV Christmas program to be worthwhile. In fact, I find it creepy. I can’t imagine any child would want to sit and watch that after what they are exposed to on daily basis. I know as parents we try and hold on to traditions and pass them down to our kids, but do we really want horrible graphics to be our legacy? And the same goes with Charlie Brown’s Christmas. With newspapers going away, kids 15 years from now aren’t even going to know who Charlie Brown is.

And finally, in even more unrelated news, I’m wondering when we got the point where speaking in acronyms became more of a sign of intelligence than using large words. It used to be the larger and more impressive the word the more people would look at you in amazement and wonder how you got so smart. There was, and probably still is, a word of the day calendar to increase your vocabulary in order to continually impress your friends and co-workers. Now it seems people want to show their intelligence by shortening everything and I fear this practice will only expand with the text messaging generation entering the workforce. I can just see a meeting that starts out, “OMG, the KPI needs some TLC ASAP or else the BOM’s will be DOA.” I think I’ll invent an acronym of the day calendar.

First Paragraph- Super Size Me

Andrew sat at the ketchup stained table in the local burger joint. He eyed his nearly 1 lb. slab of hamburger with complete satisfaction; knowing the mere sight of the decadent treat would send his overbearing health nut of a wife through the roof. He really couldn’t stand his bride of nearly 8 years. Their marriage was a sham from the very beginning, but he was just too weak of a person then to do anything about it. They were different in every way and those differences grew even larger with every shallow anniversary that passed. To the outside world they must have looked like June and Ward Cleaver, but the veneer of their marriage was razor thin and ready to crumble at any time. Andrew (by the way, he actually liked to be called Andy but his wife forbade this moniker) would never be good enough for his Barbie Doll wife whose only real need for plastic surgery would be to have the silver spoon removed from her mouth. With each defiant bite Andrew grew angrier and angrier with his wife and was even more convinced that what he was about to do was not only justified, but completely right. His focus on revenge was momentary derailed by a disabled man guiding his wheelchair into the table next to him. An entirely empty restaurant and this guy had to sit right next to him. Some people think they are entitled to the world just because they are handicapped. Andrew regained his focus and resolve, pulled out his pen and wrote something on a piece of scrap paper. He slid the paper into an pre-addressed envelope knowing full well the six words contained inside would send the wretched family into the hell they all deserved.