Out of Hibernation

It's been far too long since I've written anything.  One of those cases where work, family, and life in general have gotten in the way.  I'd like to believe my words were sorely missed, but the reality is the only comment I've recieved was from a reader who proclaimed, "No Wax Rants= Dead".  I suppose he was at least partially right.  I'd prefer to think of it as simply being in hibernation.  So fittingly as Spring is now upon us, I will attempt to come out of hibernation, shake the leaves from my back, and write once again about all that drives me nuts.

1) Why do people feel the need to tell someone who just had a baby that they are amazing and they don't know how they did it?  I realize that child birth is hard, but they are not exactly the first one to go through it.  And, regardless of how good or bad you are at it, the baby is coming out anyway.  How did they do it?  They had sex, they got pregnant, and 9 months later they had a baby.  I'm pretty sure it's been done before.

2)  Why am I made to feel as if I've crossed a picket line whenever I go to the store and don't buy Girl Scout Cookies from the 10 year old Mafia parked at the entrance?  Do they not see the 10 extra pounds I've gained in the past month off a mortgage's worth of Thin Mints and Samoas?  Don't they understand that after the initial euphoria of the first week of cookies Girl Scout sales become just as annoying as the Salvation Army and their damn bell? 

3)  The snooze button on my alarm clock extends the alarm by 7 minutes.  Why 7 minutes?  What could possibly have been the thought process of the engineers where they decided 5 minutes was too short and 10 minutes was too long?  It does not make any sense.  The world and its inhabitants like symmetry.  Did they decide that 7 was lucky? Is there some sleep research I'm unaware of that says an extra 6 minutes of sleep makes you angry, 8 minutes makes you more tired, but 7 minutes makes you feel rested, alive, sexually attractive, more spirtual, lowers your cholesterol, increases cognitive skills, stops a receding hair line, combats irritable bowel syndrome, and makes you more likely to get promoted at work?  Whatever the reason, I'm now forced to set me initial alarm for 3 minutes past the hour so my 7 minutes snoonze lands me on 5:10 am.  That will show them.

4)  Why do we feel the need to tell the waitress at a restaurant our correct name when asked for it on a wait list to be seated?  They don't know nor do they care.  They simply want to know how to contact you, how many people you have with you, and whether you are going to be a royal pain in the ass if the wait is 1 minute longer than predicted.  And why don't people hear their name the first time it is called?  Me, I'm anticipating it like a 16 year old girl waiting to see if the tube she just pee'd on has a plus or a minus. 

5)  I wonder if the people who make the Chia Pet are pissed off the Snuggie has replaced them as the go to gag gift?  Is it possible a merger could be in the making where we could have the Chia Snuggie (the Chuggie)? 

It's a short list today, but it's a start.  Hopefully it will spark a sudden rash of additional posts that essentially go unread.