First Paragraph- A Dirty Little Secret

Judy Leclair was the all-American girl. Her beauty was undeniable, but the attraction that all men felt for her went well beyond looks. Judy had an immense capacity to please, but was able to maintain her identity as a strong and independent woman. Unpredictably she’d married the nerd from high school, instead of the quarterback, but Judy never followed the rules. The man had no looks, little personality, and a slight limp when he walked, but Judy had apparently found all of his flaws charming and pledged her life to him nearly 8 years ago. Judy’s three children thankfully took on her looks as their Christmas card photo annually chronicled. Judy really could do it all; full-time mother, volunteer at no less than five local charities, and a devoted wife that never let her husband go to bed unsatisfied. Tuesday the 31st was just another ordinary day in her extraordinary life. She had exercised, showered, and was dressed to the nines before anyone else in her house had pressed the snooze alarm. Breakfast was individually prepared for each family member and her husband’s lunch was specially prepared and already placed in his briefcase. She kissed him goodbye, the type of kiss that let him know there were no others, and watched in the door as he backed out of the driveway and drove down the street. Judy’s two oldest were dropped off at school and her youngest at daycare and by 8:30 am Judy was already back home ready to tackle the day. As she did every day, she went upstairs to her home office and logged into her computer. While it churned to life, Judy pulled open the futon, put her hair up in a bun, and put on a pair of black rimmed glasses. She was the real life replica of every man’s naughty librarian fantasy, which is exactly what she wanted. The beep on the computer signaled to Judy that her 9:00 am had arrived in the chat room and she was pleased to see it was a regular named James. Judy positioned herself in front of her webcam, unbuttoned her blouse, and prepared herself to give the main in the wheelchair the very best that $4.99 a minute could buy.

Word Play

I recently played a game asking me to list the 100 most common words in the English language. The game was interesting (I got 83 of them), but the most intriguing part was the order of the 100 most used words. It got me thinking, so I did a quick search and found the top 500 most commonly used words For example:

Want is #154 on the list, while need is #186. Given our current money hungry, sense of entitlement, tis better to receive then give society, this seems about right.

No is #84 on the list. Yes does not show up on the top 100 (it ranks 486 for those playing at home). I’m guessing that parents and virginal girls are single handedly keeping “no” in the top 100. However, we’d probably be a much better society if “yes” could at least crack the top 200. Similarly, never (#223) comes before always (#267)

One (#23) logically comes before two (#73) and both of them come before number (#86). However two does come before first (#93). Additionally, three (#153) comes before four (#218) which comes before five (#368) which comes before six (#371). Seven is apparently unlucky and misses the list entirely. Eight also misses the list, but ate comes in at #282. Nine was also out of the top 500; however ten does come in at #376.

He (#11) comes before she (#50). His (#19) is there, but hers doesn’t even make the list. Boy (#146) is ahead of girl (#303) and man (#116) comes in well ahead of woman, which didn’t even make the list. Apparently there is sexism even in our language. On a positive note, we are smart enough to known that mother (#194) comes before father (#200).

Love (#387) does come before money (#389), although just barely.

Mile is number 272 while inch is n umber 451. I guess if you give them an inch, they will take a mile.

On the race note, white (#255) does come ahead of black (#326).

For all of you married women out there, numbers 178-181 are Why Ask Men Change. Good question.

List (#310) and language (#499) both make the list.

Selfishly speaking, take (#105) comes before give (#123), I (#18) comes before we (#35) and my (#82) comes before our (#124).

And finally, maybe we are in moral peril as God doesn’t even show up in the top 3000 words spoken.